I've made an idol out of self-loathing. I detest my abhorrent ways
I'm wandering a labyrinth I'll never escape
I've made my bed among the tombs of kings
I'm led to my death by my idle wanderings
I'm counting down the days until you turn your back on me
With this veil over my eyes, I can hardly see
The knowledge I've gained leaves a bitter taste on my tongue
And I won't find worth in any of these songs I've sung
My throat is an open grave as I try to find meaning in my hollow name
I've come to learn there's a death sentence on me, but I'll keep drawing out my own misery
I'll turn my back and thrive in addiction. My pure ambitions will surely fade
Maybe I'll sink through the cold ground and recede into a state of nonexistence
You'll watch me choke on reality; the truth fills up my lungs
I have a sickness
I despise myself
Apathy tries to numb my pain, regret envelops me again
I can't make sense of this; I can't see your face
Unbounded love surrounds me yet I'm in a pit of self-condemnation
Because I am truly nothing
I could be rescued and embraced
But my own hatred has me stubbornly chained to the unmoving ground
Because I deserve death
I don't deserve life, I don't deserve redemption
I deserve to be abandoned, to suffer in my shame
I don't deserve your grace
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