I'm trying to take care of myself.
I just had my annual physical.
Hey, alright.
Thank you.
I'm just gonna do setups the whole show.
And I like to drive... You guys are great, man.
I went to a new doctor.
New doctor for me.
You ever go to a brand new doctor and the moment he walks in you're like,
No.
No, this ain't gonna work out.
I need an air vent or something I can crawl through to safety."
I was sitting there; I'm nervous enough.
Doctor walks in: All the buttons on his lab coat were off by one.
If he can't nail that test, I don't think I want his doctor paws on me.
And I know this is gonna sound like I'm making this up; this is the absolute truth.
He was late!
I don't get that.
I don't get why it's ok for the doctor to be late.
If I have a 2 o'clock appointment, I want the doctor looking at me at 2 o'clock.
And the only way... The only way I think it would be okay for the doctor to be late is if at 5 of 2, you're in the waiting room and you notice that from under the door that leads to the back rooms... a pool of blood.
An ever-widening pool of blood coming out into the waiting room.
Everyone has to lift their feet.
I think we might be delayed."
Then it would be okay... for him to be 5 minutes late.
Clamp whatever's doing that and get me back there!
I wanna here a clamp noise and him saying,
My 2 o'clock is here."
But I need a, you know... I need somebody to look after me like that 'cos I'm not paying that much attention to myself.
I swear, I looked in the mirror the other day and I noticed a 2-inch hair growing out dead center from the middle of my forehead.
What the hell?
How's that even possible?
All the other hairs are up here.
How does one hair do a lone wolf?
We're doing a jailbreak!"
And I know it was 2 inches 'cos I measured it.
Now I don't know how long it takes for a hair to grow 2 inches, but nobody in my life bothered to tell me about it for the entire growing season.
They must've had daily conversations:
Has he noticed yet?"
He has not." "
How is that possible?"
I don't know.
He must look directly into the mirror and the hair must be perfectly straight.
And he must not move his head a billionth of an inch.
He is unaware of his uni-hair!"
Not cool!
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