Hey I bought myself a parrot
The parrot talked but he did not say "I'm hungry"
So it died
I get a cold sore, I hate to say it Minnesota
But in a cold sore you put Carmex on it
Cause Carmex is supposed to alleviate cold sores
I don't know if it does help
But it will make them shiny and more noticeable
It's like cold sore highlighter
Maybe they can come up with an arrow that heals cold sores
I fucking hate arrows man
That try to tell me what direction to go
It's like "fuck you, I'm not going that way
Line with two third of a triangle on the end"
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow, that would suck
A arrow killed you?
They would never solve the crime
"Look at that dead guy, lets go that way"
I like-I like to hold a microphone cord like this
I pinch it together, then I let it go
Then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once
I tried to walk into Target but I missed
I think the entrance of Target
Should have people splattered all around
Then when I finally walk in the guy says "Can I help you?"
"Just practicing"
Let me think now
Oh yeah, I hate dreaming
Because you know when you want to sleep
You want to sleep
Dreaming is work you know?
There I am laying in my comfortable bed in my hotel room
It's beautiful
Next thing you know I have to build a go-kart with my ex-landlord
I want a dream of me watching myself sleep
I went to the Home Depot you know the other day
Which was unnecessary
I need to go to the Apartment Depot
Just a big warehouse with people standing around saying
"Hey, we ain't gotta fix shit"
Comments (0)