I was at a casino, I was minding my own business. This guy came up and
Said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking the fire exit." So
If there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have
Legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. And you can write that down
And put a dash in front of it and put my name at the bottom. A dash
A dash, that's all I wanted to be doing, was dashed. I type 101 words
A minute, but it's in my own language. I had the AIDS test four
Times. The AIDS test is very scary to get. Doesn't matter what you've
Been doing, waiting for the results is frightening. So I don't get
The regular AIDS test anymore, I get the round-and-about AIDS test
I call my friend Brian. I say, "Say Brian, do you know anybody who
Has AIDS?" "No?" "Cool. Cause you know me." I was on a bus and it was
The middle of the night and I had a box of crackers and a can of Easy
Cheese. But it was the middle of the night, so I could not see
I could not see how much Easy Cheese I was applying to each cracker
So each bite into the cracker was a surprise as to how much Easy
Cheese I had applied. Which makes me believe they should have a glow-
In-the-dark version of Easy Cheese. It's not like the product has
Any integrity to begin with. If you buy a room-temperature cheese
That you squeeze out of a can, you probably won't get mad cause it
Glows in the dark too. Alright, I think I got all the jokes I wanted
To get on the CD down. Now, I think I want a couple more things
I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead
I think I did that joke backwards. I wanted to get a parrot, but
I got a tape recorder. It's like a parrot who doesn't fly away
You don't have to worry about a tape recorder just suddenly leaving
In the name of freedom. Some songs have a special meaning for a
Man in regards to a special woman. But this can backfire, because
Maybe the song had deeper meaning to begin with, but now it's been
Cheapened. "We are the world, we are the children, we are the ones
Who make a better life, so let's keep on giving." Remember that song
Baby? The night I fucked you in the Pet Sematary? That's our song
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