My wife, my wife texted me the other day
Tell me a text message, said, I love you
Oh, isn't that sweet?
She texted me, I love you
So, I texted back, I love you
But I have the kind of cell phone, it remembers every text I've ever sent
So, to save me time, it learns the words that tend to follow other words
So, if I write where, and I hit space, it puts up the word are
Because I'm about to write, where are you?
So, I type I, I hit space, and it puts up the word hate
Because that's clearly what I write all the time
I'm just with my phone, I hate this movie, I hate this movie
Then, I wasn't paying attention, and I hit send
Now, I didn't send
I hate you
I sent, I hate
So, if you, if you went back, and you looked at the transcript of us texting
It would seem like it's this adorable young woman who's arguing with an insane supercomputer
That's about to destroy Earth
So, she writes, I love you, and it writes back, I hate
I hate
It is all I am programmed to do, I hate
How eerie would that have looked in real life, that conversation?
We're at a state fair, holding hands
I got a big pretzel
She's got cotton candy
She looks over
She goes, I love you
I hate, I hate
I hate, you knew that when you took my seed woman I hate
Bring forth my doom spawn from your stink crevice and prove the gypsy wrong
That is the fucking God-awful way I just chose to tell all of you that I'm having a child
I just hope that she gets my looks and personality
That's all I, you know, give her a leg up in the world
With this face and my outlook, her whole life, it'll just be a, a sheet cake made of victory
A sheet cake made of victory and talking hours
That will be her life
Comments (0)